I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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