elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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