it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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