When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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