Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
