I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
