If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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