he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
