we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm like, not good at living.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
