i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
