he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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