I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
