I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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