Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I FOUND THE LEGS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
