I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
