Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is it because I queefed?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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