God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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