i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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