playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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