Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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