OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
