rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
