Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
