He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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