paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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