I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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