I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
