I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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