is your mom at the bar?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
