so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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