I wish I could teleport
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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