i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
