I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
