dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
