That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
