umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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