because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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