Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
