i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
