Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
