his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
