Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
