dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
