8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
