You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
