you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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