He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
