youre lurking in front of me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
