Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
