Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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