I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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