I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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