you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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