No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
