I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
