I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
