note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
