i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
