i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
