you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
