would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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